The Trade In

Traded in the fleeting ecstatic  pleasure of an orgasm
for deeper connections with the self and others
for deeper desire of joy to enjoy and to suffer

Exchanged the use of serotonin re uptake inhibitors
for exercise, good sleep, meditation and being a better listener
listening to the body, mind and soul
Timed Doctor visits of 5 mins don’t help fill the hole,
The goal is to use the natural cleaners
not to use quick pills to make the process easier

Brought my black lung cough and hospital bills to the counter
for morning runs, half marathon training and running partners
Having asthma was always a weight of armor, making me slower
put down the smoking to make me stronger
traded up and now panic attacks don’t act up

Donated uppers, downers and those that start at the center
for the pleasure of this latest endeavor
we will not live forever
counting days, months, years down to the measure
the most real experience is one that you don’t have to sever
settling into the pressure takes effort and is prone to error
but it brings you together in the face of tremor and terror
the tenderness of finding something better

Gave away all the ways I felt I was a slave
to having no fear of every again being in a cage
stopped caring about the whole world as a stage
and rather focused on the book I’m writing by the page

Gave away alcohol’s drunken rage
and it’s passive dismissive phase
where clear headed judgement couldn’t gauge
when and how to engage
now spontaneity allows me to re-arrange

Traded in a mind frame so I wouldn’t find someone else to blame
owned up my mistakes and take full responsibility
through the civility of taking it to my name
life has never been the same
I hope it continues to change
for as long as I keep trading in these things

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